Sentimental Resentment
by macaroni and cheese
Summary: Lily and James have a perfect relationship, except that no one knows about it. Everyone has their secrets, but what happens when they are revealed? Story for anyone who likes a good love story and a lot of singing! Funny and silly, but also serious.
1. Green Jellybean

**Chapter One  
Green**

James Potter remained perfectly still, focusing all of his energy into not moving. He then slowly raised his head and narrowed his eyes. He was tuned into everything around him, the steady, gentle movement of the train, the soft fall of rain from outside, the three boys that sat with him in the carriage. He looked into Sirius Black's eyes, deep into the pupils, searching for the answer he was searching for.

"Green" James said finally.

Sirius opened his fisted hand and revealed a red every flavour bean.

"Damn." James mumbled. "I could've sworn it was green this time."

Remus Lupin, who was sitting beside James, sighed, and without looking up from his Transfiguration book said: "Just a suggestion, Prongs, but you and Padfoot have been playing this stupid game for over three hours and every time you have guessed green, and every time it is not green, do you think maybe he has caught on?"

"Fine, if it bothers you that much we'll stop playing." James crossed his arms across his chest.

"I never said that it bothered me…" Remus shook his head and sighed, taking the bean from Sirius's hand and putting it in his mouth. "Thanks. That will be greatly appreciated."

Remus loved his friends. They were the only three people in the world that he trusted with everything and would give his life for, but once a year he was forced to endure the painful seven hour train journey at the beginning of the school term. James and Sirius were not the type of people that enjoyed sitting in the same place for more then five minutes. He exhaled a sigh of relief as he realized that he would not have to endure this torture again. It was seventh year, the long awaited final year of school. This was the last time Remus would ever have to travel to Hogwarts in this train. He closed his eyes and leant back in his seat. That thought made the prospect of the next few hours on the train with his friends slightly less painful.

"I'm bored." James sighed.

"Then go for a walk." Remus hated acting like the parent, but sometimes it was necessary.

"Fine, I will." James got up and trudged out of the carriage. As he walked towards the back of the train he smiled to himself and his walk became jauntier. His friends were so naive. Remus thought that he was so predictable, but was so wrong. James had made sure that he would not be missed by his friends so he could spend as much time as he wanted doing what he wanted…

What he wanted was Lily Evans, his green jellybean. Three months without even looking at her mysterious smile, three months of lying in bed, sleepless, wishing she was there to stop the pain he only felt when he was not with her.

He thought about Lily constantly. Every thought, every second…every lie.

No one knew. Not Sirius, not Remus…no one except Lily and himself. That was part of the passion and excitement he enjoyed, but it was hard to long for someone and to have to act like everything is different, but she was worth it, so perfect for him, so flawlessly perfect.

♥ 


	2. Walking Away

**Chapter Two  
****Walking away**

_Approximately one year earlier…_

James Potter walked out of Transfiguration with a grin on his face. Professor McGonagall was not stupid, she had a brilliant future at Hogwarts, but that was the future and even after three years of James Potter, she could not handle him. She had spent the last twenty minutes trying to convince him to behave for just one lesson and stop distracting the other students, but although her desperate attempt was very persuasive, James had decided not to take her up on the offer.

He was very proud that it was still only the first week back at school and he had already managed to frustrate every single one of his teachers. He now made his way back up to the Gryffindor Tower, but was distracted by the only person that could possibly ruin the natural high that he had, Lily Evans.

"Potter, I need to talk to you." She said angrily.

"Well I'm free Saturday night, and we don't even have to talk…" James responded with a grin.

"You disgust me." Lily yelled defensively.

"Sometimes I disgust me too; maybe we can disgust me together on our date tomorrow." James held back his laughter as Lily's eyes flashed fire brighter then her blazing red hair.

"We're having a discussion RIGHT NOW" Lily growled.

"Good observation Lil, we ARE having a discussion. We just discussed disgust and I believe we are about to discuss my leaving as I am getting bored." James started to walk past her but she grabbed his arm and dragged the scrawny boy effortlessly into an empty classroom nearby.

"Sit." She told James, pointing to a chair at the front of the classroom. James sat on a table at the back of the classroom. Lily rolled her eyes and followed him to the back and sat on a table opposite him.

"Can we make this quick Lil, I have better things to do, unless you plan to make this situation better then the one I am planning, if you get what I mean." James winked.

"THIS! This is what I need to talk to you about. You're constantly acting immaturely and suggesting ridiculous ideas concerning you and me. At first it was an offer of a date every now and then and that was irritating enough, but now it has spiraled into this ludicrous obsession of yours. You would be such a nice guy if you weren't always making these stupid jokes. They're not funny. And I don't know why you victimize me. I cannot talk to you, I can't even walk past you without some sort of sexual allusion being thrown my way."

"Don't worry Lil, you're not the only one experiencing sexual illusions about the two of us." James said as she took a breath.

"That's what I'm talking about James, that complete disrespect you have for me. You don't even listen to what I am actually saying, you just hear what you want to hear, and what you want to hear is disgusting." Lily stood up and turned away from him.

"We're discussing disgust again?"

Lily spun back around and scowled furiously. "Can you take this seriously? Please? For just once in your life can you not turn something into a clever little joke? Can you just have one mature conversation? Can you just once in your life respect someone enough to listen to…"

"Shut up." James snapped, cutting her off, "I can't handle this from you too Lily. Everyone's hassling me, 'just once, James, do this once, one time'. Doesn't anyone think I'm capable of doing something more then once? Don't you think that if someone treated me with respect, like an equal I would probably listen to them? I can handle it from teachers, I can handle it from my parents, but I can't sit here and take it from you too. I just can't." James stood up and started pacing up and down the row of desks. "It kills me inside whenever you talk to me like I'm dirt, like scum. These jokes, these allusions, they're my way of dealing with shit, my way of denying these feelings that I don't understand and can't act on." He stopped pacing and looked her in the eyes. "I'm in love with a muggle born, Lily. Ever since I was old enough to realise it, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but since I can't do that I have to deal with it in my own way. Sorry if that irritates you, but it's the only way I know."

Lily had been speechless since the word 'love'. She stared back at James, trying hard to continue breathing.

"I'm sorry Lily. I know that this obviously disgusts you, but you had to know, I guess. We couldn't go another year with these petty arguments. I couldn't hold this all inside without going crazy, but if you want, I can just stay away from you, avoid you. I can probably change classes or something… What? You didn't notice? Let me tell you something about guys; We haven't changed... or at least I haven't. Just like a five year old punches the girl he likes and runs away, I piss you off. My words are my weapon. That's why I talk so much." He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his right eye, trying to keep the pain he was feeling inside. "Don't worry about it Lil, we can just forget this ever happened."

Lily suddenly got her mind back and ran from the classroom into the deserted corridor. James rushed after her. When he caught up to her he grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. He held her shoulders as he talked to her.

"Talk to me Lily, say something. You can't just run away, it's called shelving and it's not good. You need to at least tell me how you feel, what you think. I just revealed this huge secret and all you can do is run? Is that all I'm worth? I know you're not happy about all this, you obviously hate me, but don't I deserve a little bit more than desertion? Aren't I worthy of the same respect you demand from me? Just say something, anything! I need to know that you understand, Lily, that you comprehend what I'm saying and…"

Lily acted quickly. Cutting off his words, she had taken one step towards him and kissed him. Throwing her arms around his neck, she found a cure for her speechlessness. He closed his eyes and got lost in the moment, all his thoughts melting away with the blazing passion he had seen in her eyes in the second before she had kissed him. She suddenly pulled away.

"How dare you! How dare you be so perfect! You're so quick and clever. You have this magnetism... a genuine, laid back personality. I see you with your friends, in the library during exams, on the Quidditch field... You're dedicated and loyal. You have no idea how many nights I have spent wishing upon stars, wishing that I was yours, that you were mine. I've spent too many hours, too many days trying to convince myself to hate you…I can't. Now you tell me you love me? How dare you?" Lily cried heatedly, looking anywhere but James eyes, his deep brown eyes, the windows to his beautifully perfect soul.

"How dare me? How dare YOU! How dare you kiss me? How dare you give me a taste of your perfect flavor when I can never have it again, when I can never be with you? You have made it so much harder for me to walk away." James couldn't hold back anymore and as much as it killed him, a tear leaked from his eye and rolled gently down his cheek.

Lily reached up and wiped the tear away gently. "Then don't walk away."

"It's not that easy Lily. I'm a Potter. With full wizard blood comes full wizard blooded parents, not bad people, but bad enough to make judgements on people like you. If I was to be with you, ... I could never be with you. Your parents wouldn't accept me and my parents would freak out,I'd be exiled. We could never be, and the knowledge of that kills me. I love you as much as my parents would hate you and nothing is ever going to change. I wish I could change the world for you, but it's a fucking stubborn world."

Another tear rolled down his cheek. Lily reached up to wipe it away again, but James stepped back and wiped it away himself. "I'm sorry Lily; let's just forget this ever happened."


	3. Conclusion to the Beginning

**Chapter Three  
****Conclusion to the beginning**

It had been more then a month since Lily and James had revealed their feelings for each other. They had not spoken, had not even locked eyes. Lily forced herself to spend every moment thinking about something other then James Potter. She spend most of her time doing school work, and when she ran out of work she would clean. She had cleaned out her drawers, her trunk, made everyone else's beds everyday and even scrubbed the walls and floors a few times. She had managed to occupy her thoughts with anything other than James during the days, but every night she lay awake with nothing to think about but him. Some nights she would cry herself to sleep. Some nights she did not sleep at all. Every night she would think about that kiss.

James sat in the common room, watching Lily hurriedly work through the piles of extra homework she had made for herself, wishing he could take it as well as she had. He had spent the last few weeks moping. His friends were sick of his constant depression and spent most of their time trying to cheer him up. Despite their persistent efforts, he could not be cheered up. Not even Quidditch could lift his spirit. The season had just started and as captain, his team was relying on him for motivation. Instead he flew around slowly, not paying any attention to the training he was meant to be controlling. He remembered when flying used to give him such a high, but since that kiss, nothing could ever feel the same, nothing could compare to the feeling, no thrill was as thrilling, no excitement was as exciting, no delight was delightful. Nothing was as stimulating. He felt empty, hollow inside his heart, but his mind was full of thoughts of Lily. He felt dizzy, and not the good dizzy that he used to feel when he saw Lily, but a confused, weak dizzy that could not be stopped. He could not avoid her any longer. He was addicted to the drug of Lily.

He stared across the common room at her, trying to catch her eye. After so much time spent forcing herself not to look at him it was hard for her. She felt his gaze burn strong and slowly looked up at him. He desperately looked around the room and then stood up. He jerked his head for Lily to follow him and then left the room. A few minutes later she packed up her books and exited the common room after him. She closed the portrait after her and he reached out and took her hand. Without a word, he led her to an empty room and closed the door behind them.

"I can't do it." He said quietly, looking down at his feet. "I thought I was strong enough, but I'm not. I don't know what to do. I want to be with you, but I know we can't. I love you too much to put you through all that."

"But without you, I might as well be dead." Lily's eyes had filled up with tears and they were now running down her cheeks like saline rivers of sadness.

James took her into his arms and held her comfortingly. "Where do we go from here?"

"Even if we're together, we can never be together. We can never…" Lily let a sob escape her. "We can never tell anyone." She pulled away from James. "We can never tell anyone. No one." She wiped her tears away. "No one can know. We have to act like everything's normal when we're with other people. You can't tell Sirius or the others and I won't tell my friends. We can't tell our families. No one. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, but…I don't know if it will work like that? Can we pull it off? And if we can, what's going to happen? We just see each other in private for the next two years and then never see each other again?" James asked gently.

"Does it matter? We'll just take it as it comes, and we'll do it together. We can't just not be together. We have to try. Please?"

"I really want to be with you Lily, but I'm going to have to think about this logically and rationally. I need to be sure that it's the best way." James said. He then turned and walked towards the door. He reached for the handle and paused. He turned and walked back to Lily. "Okay, I've thought about it." He then kissed her.

It was this kiss that started the forbidden relationship of Lily and James. For the rest of the year they met only in secret, telling no one and acting like normal when other people were around.


	4. Blue and Yellow

A/N- Thanks for all of the review. I love to hear from my readers and I've been replying to as many as I can. Just a note for one of my anonymous reviewers Kel, and anyone else who is interested: JKR has said very little about James and Lily's era in the HP books so I've had to do a lot of research and make speculations about society in their day. Although it is true that the Potter's aren't followers of Voldemort (They are in no way portrayed like Sirius's parents), it is true that James and Lily lived in a time where a lot of tension and negative attitudes were rising in regards to bloodlines as Voldemort started his reign. In my story, the Potter's are pure bloods and James is very sure that they would not approve of his relationship with Lily, however, as much as James wants to be, he is not always right. We know that they end up staying together, so obviously his parents are not as against the relationship as he believes-- by the way, this is a huge spoiler for my story for those who haven't already realised this. I believe that James and Lily endured hardships that caused them to join the Order of the Phoenix to fight against the negativity that Voldemort created. These hardships were probably caused by a wizarding society concerned with the decline in pure blood's. I hope all of this makes sense. Everyone is welcome to email or review me with any questions or discuss this on my forum. Okay, on with the story...  
This chapter takes off from where chapter one ended. 

**Chapter Four  
Blue and Yellow**

James thought of that night as he walked towards the compartment that he was meeting Lily in. He slid the door open quietly.

"Hello head boy."

"Hello head girl." James replied, grinning as he saw Lily's nervous face looking up at him.

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. "Merlin, I missed you." He bent down, gave her a kiss, and sat down beside her. She leant against him and closed her eyes, letting his soothing aura take over her.

She smiled as she listened to his excited words as he told her of his summer. "You probably noticed I didn't reply to your first few letters for ages. I'm sorry but I couldn't get away from Sirius for long enough. He kept wanting to go into town and scare muggles. He used to live in London, completely surrounded by muggles, but never really went out, didn't really have enough freedom to. So at my house he always wanted to go out. I suppose my parents talking in really loud voices about how respected his parents are didn't help. I told you he moved out right? To some little flat, pretty crappy but it'll do for the time being and he'll do it up after school finishes. It was good to get rid of him, but kind of boring. I even did all my school work. Oh, and did I tell you about my parents getting the letter about being head boy? My father was never head boy, not even a prefect. I suppose I wasn't a prefect either, but being with you has straightened me up a whole lot, although I don't like to admit it."

Lily giggled. Normally James was one of the coolest guys in school. He was very laid back and informal, but when he was around Lily, he didn't shut up. He was nervous and jumpy and excited, completely out of character. He had told Lily that it was because he cared about her and there wasn't a lot he cared about.

Lily, on the other hand, was usually stressed. Around the time of exams, her friends and peers were often scared to go near her in case she would explode, but around James she felt so relaxed and peaceful. She was content to be sitting beside him, listening to words pour out of him. She wondered vaguely what would happen if he ever ran out of things to say.

"What's so funny?" James asked in response to Lily's giggles.

"Nothing. I just missed this. I missed you."

James shifted in his seat so he could kiss Lily. After a few minutes she pulled away. "Maybe we should make up for lost time?" She said with a suggestive grin.

"On the train?" James asked, raising his eyebrows.

"It is our last year and it is kind of exciting."

James grinned as he ran out of things to say

* * *

The feast that night was fabulous. Lily and James sat opposite each other, occasionally meeting each others gazes and then quickly looking away.

As the feast was nearing an end, Lily and James and the Gryffindor prefects made their way into the entrance hall to meet with their head of house. To their surprise, grumpy old Professor Kressley was not there. Instead Professor McGonagall was standing at the foot of the stairs.

"Good evening Minerva." James said as he approached her.

"You're so immature Potter. Please try to act more like head boy." Lily said, rolling her eyes at him.

"Well I'm not too sure how to. Maybe you should teach me. Say….Friday night? Do you like Italian?"

Professor McGonagall coughed, disrupting the two. "If you are quite finished Mr Potter, perhaps you will listen to me."

"Sorry Minerva." James said with a grin, Lily rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure you were all expecting Professor Kressley to be here tonight, but he has decided to retire and I am taking up his position."

"It's always fun to try new positions." James said. Lily elbowed him and Professor McGonagall ignored him.

"The password to the common room is wolfsbane, the password to the prefects bathroom is Hecate. There will be a prefects meeting at seven tomorrow morning in the chamber behind the teachers table. You can all go back to the feast except for you Mr Potter."

"Is this about the positions? Because if it is I don't feel entirely comfortable discussing it with you, although I'm quite willing to give you a demonstration."

"Mr Potter, I know you think you're quite funny but…"

"Minerva," James cut her off "I would feel more comfortable if you called me James."

"Okay James."

"And I know what this is about. To be quite honest, I like you. You're a good teacher and I have a lot of respect for you. Unfortunately I cannot change my behaviour. In the eyes of other teachers that would be seen as a weakness." He hugged a confused Professor McGonagall. "Good having this little chat with you. I trust that it will stay between the two of us?"

Professor McGonagall shook her head in disbelief as James skipped away into the Great Hall. It was going to be a long year.


	5. Green with Envy

**Chapter Five  
Green with Envy**

The next morning James rose before the sun. He got dressed quietly and made his way down to the common room. He waited impatiently for Lily, writing notes in his Quidditch diary about the season soon to come.

When Lily did appear she pretended James wasn't there, except to whisper "owlery" as she passed him. James waited about ten minutes and then slowly followed her. When he reached the owlery he looked around for her but she wasn't there. James was about to leave when his owl Austin stopped him. He had a scrap piece of parchment in his claw. James thanked him and took the paper.

_James_

_I'm sorry I couldn't stay. Meet you back here at five_

_From your jellybean_

James sighed and made his way down to the great hall, wondering where Lily had gone. He didn't see her until she came into the prefects meeting ten minutes late, made her apologies and sat on the opposite side of the room with Sue Roberts, a Ravenclaw prefect. He didn't listen to a word that was said for the rest of the meeting. He imagined Lily waiting for him in the owlery and getting bored and leaving. He imagined her sneaking off with Brett Hornburn, captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. He imagined Brett and his huge arms sweeping Lily off her feet and stealing her away. He imagined what they would be doing that would make Lily late for the meeting.

_No. She loves you and you trust her. Stop being such a jealous prick._

He snapped out of his thoughts as the prefects around him began to stand up and collect their piles of timetables to hand out. As James took his pile from Professor McGonagall she smiled at him. He winked in reply and her smile disappeared.

"James, may I have a word?" Lily asked from beside him.

"Several."

The two stepped away from the group.

"I've been thinking about being head girl and you being head boy." Lily started.

"I'm head boy? Cool. When did that happen and more importantly how?"

"Seriously James, I think we need to change our attitudes a bit. We're going to have to work together a lot this year and we can't do that with all our immature arguments."

The prefects had now all left the room and Professor McGonagall was the only one left in the room with them, pretending not to listen but hearing every word.

"Um, okay." James replied, aware of the Professor's presence and wanting to talk to Lily about it properly. "Do you want to talk about it over breakfast?"

"No I have to talk to Professor McGonagall."

"Okay, well see you later then Lil…I mean Evans…I mean Lily…bye" James left the room and went to join his friends at the Gryffindor table.

When Lily came out of the chamber, she quickly handed out her pile of timetables and rushed out of the hall. James checked the Hufflepuff table to make sure Brett Hornburn was there.

* * *

After James had handed out his pile of timetables and studied his own, he found Sirius and Peter and the three decided to hang out in the common room before heading to muggle studies twenty minutes late. James didn't see Lily until five. He went to the owlery early and waited anxiously.

He was looking out the window at the grounds below when Lily snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his neck gently.

"Where were you this morning? And why are you so happy?" James asked uncontrollably.

"Two questions, one answer. I was talking to Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore and I've managed to convince them to dedicate a room to us, a head room that only you and I can get into." Lily announced triumphantly.

James turned to face her, "Seriously?"

Lily nodded happily.

"You are the smartest person I've ever met." He kissed her, "May I add that I've never met myself."

Lily giggled. "Come on, let's tell Professor Dumbledore that you promise to behave yourself when you're in there."

"You're lucky I'm a good liar because nothing we will be doing in there will be classified as good behaviour."

The two kissed passionately for a few moments and then pulled away. "You better appreciate this Potter, the teachers are trusting you."

"You saying I'm not responsible?" James snapped.

"Yes that's exactly what I'm saying."

"Oh, okay."

The two shared one last kiss and walked out the door, letting go of each other hands as they stepped out. They were completely prepared for anyone who happened to be on the other side of the door, but didn't imagine that they could have been seen by someone else, someone hiding from bully's in a dark corner of the owlery. But who could blame them? No one ever noticed Severus Snape.


	6. Lilac

**Chapter Six  
Lilac**

The Marauder's sat in the shade of the birch tree, surrounded by fellow Gryffindors.

"I heard you guys almost got expelled for that prank you played last week." Exclaimed Hank Mooreson, a fifth year.

"Completely unfair considering it wasn't our fault. It was Peeves," James said, shaking his head.

"We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time," Sirius added, the grinned brightly, "Do you want to hear the real story now?"

The crowd around them nodded anxiously and Remus let out a soft laugh. The truth was Peeves did pull the prank on Professor Carr, but Sirius loved the attention. As he listened to Sirius's story, Remus looked around the grounds and noticed that Lily Evans was lying face down on the ground next to her friend Michelle and was staring right in the direction of their group. He turned to James next to him to point this out, but to his surprise, James had already noticed and was staring right back at her with a faint grin on his face. He gave a wink and then looked away, not noticing that the exchange had been witnessed. Sirius had just finished his story and the crowd laughed raucously, Peter joining in although he had a confused look in his eyes.

James stood up. "Got stuff to do." He said to Sirius and turned towards the castle. With one last glance towards Lily, he jogged across the grounds and out of sight. A few minutes later, Remus watched Lily get up and apologise to her friend before following.

Remus stood up. "Where are you going Mooney?" Asked Peter instantly.

"Things to see, people to do." Remus said as he hurried towards Lily. "Hey Lil, where are you running off to?"

"Oh I told a friend I'd meet them, I'm running a bit late actually." They reached the doors and Remus pushed them open, letting Lily in before him. They started up the stairs. "So where are you going?" Lily asked nervously.

"Owlery." Remus replied randomly.

"Oh." Lily sighed in secret relief. "I'm going in the opposite direction; astronomy tower."

They made their way up the moving staircases, chatting distractedly. When they reached the top, Remus jumped off and Lily waited for the stairs to move around to the next platform before making her way to the astronomy tower. Remus jumped into action instantly. He knew a secret passage that led to the astronomy tower but it was in no way a short cut.

When he reached the end of the passage, Remus stopped and caught his breath. He pulled out his Marauders map and hoped James didn't have his. There is tiny writing the words Lily Evans and James Potter were written above the two dots situated in the astronomy tower. Remus tapped on the wall in front of him with his wand and it faded away for a few moments, just enough time for him to jump out. He made his way quietly up the last staircase leading to the top astronomy room and looked around the corner.

There he saw James and Lily, looking friendlier then he had ever thought they could be. Lily was sitting on the teachers table, legs wrapped around James who was standing in front of her. They were kissing quietly, not noticing that they were being watched. Remus watched James' hand slide gently up the back of Lily's shirt and decided he'd seen enough. He crept back down the stairs, trying to convince himself that he was asleep, that it was all a crazy dream and he was going to wake up at any time.

Lily and James had been hiding their love for so long, they were starting to get reckless. They were so in love, they wanted to see each other all the time, not realising that this increased the chances of being seen. Oblivious to this, they stayed in the astronomy tower all afternoon. They watched the sun set and soon it was dark.

"Will you dance with me?" James asked Lily.

"Dance? To what?"

"The music of our love…" James laughed, "Come on."

He stood up and held out his hand to her. She took it and accepted James's embrace. He hummed quietly as they swayed.

"What are you humming?" Lily asked quietly.

James hummed for a bit longer and then started to sing. "_I__'m happy just to dance with you, __before this dance is through; I think I'll love you too_."

"_I'm so happy when you dance with me_." They sung together.

Lily giggled, "You're a much better singer then me."

James hummed again and then spun Lily out, making her grin in surprise. "_I don't wanna kiss or hold your hand, if it's funny try and understand there is really nothing else I'd rather do because I'm happy just to dance with you_." James shocked Lily with a series of fancy dance moves.

"How suave! I didn't know you could dance." Lily giggled.

"I'm full of surprises darling." James said as the danced, "My parents hold a lot of fancy parties and my Mother taught me to dance, but dancing with you…" He twirled her and then stopped her to look into her eyes. "_there's really nothing else I'd rather do, I'm happy just to dance with you." _They started dancing again. "_I don't need to hug or hold you tight. I just wanna dance with you all night. In this world there's nothing I would rather do 'cause I'm happy just to dance with you." _

* * *

James entered the common room fifteen minutes after Lily and joined Remus and Peter in their usual corner. "Where's Padfoot?" 

Peter shrugged. "He went somewhere with that Hufflepuff girl. He said he was going to show her his stallion. I didn't know he had a horse."

James laughed and shook his head. "Stallion…yeah right. He'll probably be back soon."

"Where have you been all night?" Remus asked casually.

"Well I was planning on working on my Quidditch plays, but I ran into Lily and she wanted me to help her with some head room plans."

"So you guys are getting friendly lately?"

"Yeah she said that we can't fight anymore, now we're heads together. I don't know why not, it was something to do, you know, when it got boring." James gave a wave to Marlene McKinnon.

"Imagine if you guys ended up getting together after all." Remus said with a forced grin.

James laughed, "Yeah imagine that, all my fourth year dreams come true. Hey, Sirius." He got up and greeted Sirius who had just come in through the portrait hole, leaving Remus with his thoughts.


	7. Grey

**Chapter Seven  
****Grey**

Remus walked slowly near the Whomping Willow, staring into its branches. Although for most it was something to fear, Remus felt secure and safe when he was near the reliable tree. Once a month it gave him protection from what he feared most- hurting innocent people, and also started the marauders fascination with secret passageways, which eventually led to the creation of the marauders map- one of the most successful items in the aid of magical mischief that the marauders possessed.

James had never kept a secret from his friends. Certainly, he and Sirius often avoided telling Remus details of their more pert pranks, but this situation was entirely different. James didn't seem to be able to trust his closest friends with the information that he was involved with the girl that he had been pining over for more then a year. Remus wondered how long it had been happening, how long he had been fooled for.

He shook his head angrily. _Remus you prick, let it go. He must have reasons. You kept a secret from him when you first became friends with him. Can't you just be happy for him? _

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, deciding to keep the information quiet until he knew what to do.

He slowly made his way back up to the castle, wondering what possible reason James could have for not telling anyone about Lily. He passed Bellatrix Black as he made his way up through the Entrance Hall and stopped dead in his tracks.

_Of course! Lily's muggle-born. Imagine what James's parents would say if they knew- or half of the pure-blood population for that matter. James and Lily could never have a happy public relationship, not since…HE started gaining followers, convincing people to hate the impure._

Ever since the wizard calling himself Lord Voldemort had started spreading his views on muggles and muggle-borns, people like Lily had not been treated well, some, like Voldemort, thought them not to be worthy of existence. This still didn't explain why James had not told his friends, the Marauders, the people he trusted with his life: Sirius his best friend, almost like a brother to him, Remus, with whom he trusted enough to put himself into the presence of his friend once a month, when Remus transformed into a werewolf, uncontrollable and wild, and Peter, James's biggest fan, who would never dream of disobeying him. Remus started walking again, but stopped almost immediately as he realised who Bellatrix had been walking towards. He turned around to see Bellatrix turn the corner in the distance, followed by the unmistakably greasy figure of Severus Snape.

Remus hesitated for a moment and then followed after them. He poked his head slowly around the corner just in time to see the two exchange large envelopes.

"You better come good this time Snape," He heard Bellatrix hiss. "And just for the record, I don't care what he says, I still don't trust you."

She turned on her heel, tucking the envelope into her robes as she walked back towards Remus, who ducked into a passage to his left, once again appreciating his friends' obsession with knowing the castle inside out. His previous tribulations of Lily and James were now pushed to the back of his mind. He knew Snape had always had an interest in the dark arts, but never thought he would become a part of the milieu. He seemed to be smarter then that, but mysterious exchanges with Bellatrix Black did not seem to impart any other likelihood.

Remus decided that he had to look further into it. He decided to find someone close to Bellatrix, someone stupid enough to not become suspicious by his probing.

Sirius was in the dorms, lying on his bed, singing vociferously (and badly) to himself. Remus walked in shaking his head at Sirius jokingly.

"Charming. No wonder you're a lady's man." Remus said loudly over Sirius.

Sirius jumped up onto his bed and started playing the air guitar, "Nobody gonna take my head, I got speed inside my brain. Nobody gonna steal my head now that I'm on the road again. OOOOOOH I'm in heaven again I've got everything like a moving ground an open road and everything." He jumped off the bed in front of Remus. "I love it and I need it I seed it. Eight cylinders all mine. Alright hold on tight." He started dancing around violently. "I'm a highway star…I'm a highway star…I'm a highway staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar." He stood up and took a bow.

"Nice…" Remus replied, embarrassed for his friend.

"Encore?"

"Please refrain." Remus said pleadingly, sitting on James's bed next to Sirius's. "You're cousin Bellatrix…"

"Bella, skank, yes." Sirius interrupted.

"Ah, yes. She's pretty heavily into the dark arts, eh?"

"Yeah…well, no. not pretty heavy, very heavy. I reckon she'll become a Death Eater one day, and the worst thing is that her parents will probably love her for it. Andromeda is like a disgrace in her parents eyes, just because she's not evil like Bella." Remus smiled secretly. Sirius could talk for hours if he was bored enough and he got bored pretty easily. "And all her friends are pretty scary. She started going out with some Durmstrang guy and he's a freak. Apparently he tortures muggles and has killed a muggle-born. I think he's just weird though. He wears more make-up then Bella and changed his name to follower- like that's something to be proud of. She doesn't even talk to anyone who isn't a muggle-born hater, except me and Andy and Regulus, but we're family."

"So she doesn't even talk to any other Slytherin's?"

"I don't think so but most of the Slytherin's are into that shit anyway. What's the point of this conversation?"

"Do you ever have conversations with a point Padfoot?"

"Hmmm, you've got a point." Sirius thought for a moment. "Actually she might have broken up with that follower freak. She's been spending heaps of time with that Avery guy and his brother's a Death Eater, well I think he is anyway."

"Do you reckon Snape's into it?"

"Snivillus? For sure."

"How do you figure that?"

"He doesn't have friends, really, and he'd do anything to get accepted. He's also really creepy and stuff. And he has legs."

Sirius looked at Remus's serious expression and shook his head, "The legs thing was meant to be a joke…"

"I need your help. I wasn't going to tell you but I need an accomplice. I think Snape and your cousin are up to something and we need to follow them."

"Good, something to do I'm so bored…"

♥ 


	8. Blur

**Chapter Eight  
****Blur**

James chewed obnoxiously on his droobles best blowing gum. Professor McGonagall glared at him. Professor Dumbledore hummed the tune of "I wanna rock and roll all night" to himself.

"Stop it." Professor McGonagall snapped, "The gum. Please get rid of it."

James stood up and walked slowly to the bin, chewing loudly as he went. He spat out his gum and returned to his seat. He looked around the classroom, which was now silent, with the exception of Professor Dumbledore's random humming. James wondered what had possessed him to come early. He started tapping his hands on his thighs to the beat of "total eclipse of the heart", which Professor Dumbledore had just started to hum. He nodded his head to the beat as he tapped louder and louder. He then realised that Professor Dumbledore had been humming louder as he tapped louder. Professor McGonagall stared at the exchange, dumfounded, shaking her head vaguely.

James somehow began to sing, "Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely…" he mumbled indistinctly as he forgot the words. "Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears."

"Turn around," Sung Professor Dumbledore, rocking in his seat to the beat that James was now tapping on the table.

"Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by." The two sung in unison. "Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes. Turn around bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart."

Without reason, Professor McGonagall joined in. "And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever. And if you only hold me tight we'll be holding on forever." James was fascinated as the Professor's loosened up and began singing loudly with him. "And we'll only be making it right because we'll never be wrong together we can take it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time, I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark, we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks."

James saw Lily appear at the door, shocked, and grinned at her as he sung along with the teachers. "I really need you tonight. Forever's gonna start tonight, forever's gonna start tonight."

"What in Merlin's name is going on here?" Lily snapped once she had found her voice. Professor McGonagall jumped and immediately turned a shade of pink.

"I've been spending way too much time with Sirius." James said happily.

"Clearly." Lily shook her head, "Look, I don't think I want to know. Let's just put this extreme insanity behind us and…well do whatever we came here to do."

"Right you are, Miss Evans." Professor Dumbledore said, standing up, "We have finally arranged the, er, Head Room that you requested and I believed that some kind of inaugural ceremony was in order."

"Sounds good to me." James said happily, "Are you okay, Minerva? You don't look too pleased. Perhaps another tune will cheer you up…"

"NO! No, I'm quite right. Let's go." She turned on her heel and marched out the door. James skipped after her, followed by Lily and Professor Dumbledore.

Lily turned to Professor Dumbledore, "Ahh, Professor, just before…"

"You were right when you said you didn't want to know." He replied simply and smiled pleasantly. "I trust you won't turn up late for any meetings in the future."

"Definitely not. I was just wondering how James managed to get you and Professor McGonagall started."

"What makes you think it was James that started it?" He answered and walked faster to close the gap between them and James.

Professor McGonagall was waiting for them outside a door at the end of a deserted corridor on the fifth floor.

"The password is Belladonna- and that's what you'll be given if you misbehave in there. Have a good day." Professor McGonagall turned and walked away.

"Not the inauguration I expected," Professor Dumbledore said, "Not to worry- Belladonna."

The door clicked and opened and the three entered. The room was bigger then they expected, containing two large desks, a bookshelf, a deep maroon couch and a grand fireplace. Professor Dumbledore pointed his wand at the fireplace and the room was lit up by the light of the flames that soon occupied it. Lily looked around like a child in Honeydukes. She looked over the books on the bookshelf and then examined the two portraits on the wall beside the door. She recognised one as her own from the end of her sixth year and guessed the one next to it was a recent one of James. He was holding his broomstick and looking esteemed. She read the small gold plaque under her portrait. It read _Lily Evans, Head Girl 1977. _

"Now, I don't want you to worry about your privacy. Professor McGonagall and I know the password for precautionary reasons, but we are the only ones and we will not be disturbing you in here unless it's important." He sat on the couch, "That fireplace isn't connected to the floo network so don't go trying anything!" He smiled warmly at the two, "You really deserve this. I expect great things from the two of you." He stood up and walked towards the door, "Have fun, good bye."

He left, leaving Lily and James alone. James lay down on the couch and smiled as he watched Lily examine the many books on the shelf. "I love you Lily."

"I am rather fantastic aren't I? This room was a great idea."

"No, I mean…I love you, with all my heart. I can never imagine my life without you." He sat up as she walked towards him, tears of joy filling her eyes.

"You really mean all this? You don't think we're too different to ever work in the real world?"

"What are you talking about…we're perfect." Lily sat next to James and kissed him. "Lets get married."

"What? Married? We're seventeen." Lily said quickly.

"I mean after, later…when we've finished school I want us to live together and eventually get married and have kids."

"Kids?"

"Yeah. A boy first. He'll look just like me, but with neater hair…and your eyes. Then a girl, we'll call her Anne and she'll be our little princess."

Lily smiled at James, purely content for the first time in her life. She felt secure and eternal. "Can we call our boy Harry?"

"I was thinking James Jnr." James said with a laugh.

"How about Harry James Potter. He'll be amazing and he'll mean something to the world…maybe even as much as you mean to me."

"The only problem is…" James trailed off, looking down at his knees.

"We can't hide forever." Lily finished.

James kissed Lily's forehead and stroked her hair. The two remained silent for a while. James finally broke the silence, "Do you think we should tell people? We'll have to eventually I suppose, but…I don't know how we'll do it or how they'll react."

"Do…do you want to meet my parents? We could stay with them at Christmas."

"Only if I can visit my parents first. I want to tell them, but I don't want you to be there."

"Why not?"

"Potter family temper, we'll just yell for hours until I win, which I will. They're not bad people, quite the opposite, but there's so much pressure on them- a pure blood family in a world of hate. They spend too much time with Sirius's parents and all the rest of the pure blood snobs."

"James…" Lily said suddenly, "I love you too."


	9. Blood Poisoning

Chapter Nine

Blood poisoning

"You don't understand Moony, I HATE her. She's like the blackest Black there is. She makes my mother look like…like…someone nice…I can't think of anyone nice."

"The blackest Black, so poetic."

"I haven't seen her for about a year. You might think that's odd, as we attend the same school and are in the same family, but no, we avoid each other. I get shivers down my spine every time she's near and I run, RUN, as fast as I can in the opposite direction. And sometimes…I scream like a girl as I'm running fast in the opposite direction…and cry, like a baby."

"Shut up Padfoot, I get it. She's scary. I know that."

Sirius and Remus walked along the edge of the forest, the morning light breaking through the trees. Remus had just spent his final night in the shrieking shack with Sirius. James had to stay behind to catch up on homework and Peter didn't tend to go unless James went.

"I don't really cry. Black's aren't allowed to cry. We aren't allowed to show any sign of weakness." Sirius shook his head, "I really don't regret running away and leaving my family's money behind. I mean, I'm poor as hell now, but I'm happy…yes happy. Money can't buy happiness. Money can buy food and SOAP, but not happiness."

"What are you talking about? Your uncle left you almost a thousand galleons."

"Oh yeah. Well I'm rich AND happy then."

"So will you do it?"

"Blackmailing a Black? Do you really think that it's worth it? What if you're making something out of nothing?"

"I just don't trust Snape." Remus said simply, stopping and facing Sirius, "Have I let you down before?"

"Yes."

"Well you've let me down more then I've let you down so you owe me."

"Fine. I'll have a chat to her soon. Happy?"

"I've spent the last three nights transformed painfully into a predatory animal against my will. I'm hungry and I'm tired…and now I'm happy. Thanks Padfoot. You're a true friend."

"I know, I know. I'm great. Let's go get breakfast."

The next morning Sirius walked into the Great Hall and confidently walked past the Gryffindor table. He ignored James's calls of ridicule and continued towards the Slytherin table. He walked down the length of the table until her reached a small group of students sitting together in a tight niche. They were all talking quietly and secretively, looking entirely suspicious and private. Sirius slowly leant forwards until his head was slightly behind his brothers. He coughed loudly and the group, as one, jumped.

"Hey guys, how's it going? Not having too much fun, huh?" Sirius recited jovially. The group stared at him awkwardly.

"What do you want, Black," Bellatrix snapped.

"Black? since when did you call me Black? Well, I suppose it makes sense, being my last name and all, but the only knot in the rope appears to be the fact that your surname is also Black and by giving me the nickname Black, you may find yourself being led to future confusion. Personally, I think you should rethink and stick to calling me Sirius."

"How about traitor, traitor." The random girl sitting next to her muttered.

"Shut up." Regulus huffed at the girl and turned his gaze to Sirius. "Brother, what do you want? I have little time for fools like you."

"There's no need for that kind of attitude Regulus. I've just been thinking lately brother and I think I need to apologise to you. I left because of Mother and Father, mostly Mother, and not because of you. We're still brothers and I don't want us to be on bad terms." Sirius spoke quickly and nervously.

Regulus stood up silently and suddenly, grabbed the shoulder of Sirius's robes and pulled him from the room, Bellatrix following instantly. They stopped in the Entrance Hall and Bellatrix lingered near the doorway where she was capable of hearing the conversation as well as stop any other potential eavesdroppers.

Sirius stood uncharacteristically quiet as Regulus gathered his thoughts.

"Sirius, you left us. I know you don't have the same views as us, but as a Black you must understand the family loyalty that you have broken." Regulus began pacing back and forward in front of his brother. "As I still remain, and always will remain, a loyal member of the Black family, I feel it appropriate to REMAIN LOYAL. This means that I must accept difficulties such as being on bad terms with you and GET OVER IT. I no longer find the need to stay on good terms with blood traitors like you…"

A silence lingered.

Sirius broke it.

"I hope you choke on your family loyalty. Evil may lead to power, but power is overrated. I AM loyal, just not to you. My advice is to get out while you're still young, but you're obviously too loyal to take good advice. All I know is if you continue down the road you're taking, you'll die before you have the chance to come to any real power. And I'm not going to care." He turned and entered the Great Hall, glancing at Bellatrix's stubborn expression as he left. He sat at the Gryffindor table, next to Remus, and shook his head, "family, who needs them?"

"Bad idea?" Remus suggested at an attempt of casual.

"Worst idea you've ever had."

"Well, you've had your fair share of bad ideas so I guess you owed me."

Sirius rolled his eyes and poured himself a cup of coffee, settling down for a brood.

Remus brainstormed out loud, wanting desperately to find out what Snape was up to "Maybe we could threaten Snivellus himself, he would probably give in easily, but I still don't trust him enough to believe a word he has to say. I guess we could spy, but that could get repetitive and might take too long. We could…"

"We could nothing Moony. We tried, we failed. I know you want to know everything, but maybe you should let this go."

"What do you mean we tried?"

"Moony, this is dangerous, these people, they don't think of people, they think of themselves and their wants and their status and whatever. They're evil. I know we've done dangerous things before but it's like you have a death wish or something. Please, just let this go before you get yourself into some sort of trouble." Sirius said angrily before standing up and exiting the room.


End file.
